I'm Yours

Okay blogspot. You have my attention. It's all here.

I miss Spokane. I miss it so badly I cry sometimes.

I also have bad credit and can't get a bank account. My account at Firstbanc is frozen. All my paychecks have to be cashed at walmart until I ring them up and ask them wtf is going on. All this because of something with washington mutual. Something I wasn't a part of, and had no hand in doing.

I started talking to Matt, who was a friend of mine in Spokane. Not only did he get really cute, but he is a lot nicer than he used to be. I miss him and his awesome humor because even when he was making fun of me he still made me laugh. I miss Remelisa so bad sometimes that I cry for no reason at all. I miss Elyse and I wish I could see her baby Lily, as stupid as I think she is for having that doomed child. I miss Geena and wish I could see Wesley. I even miss my mom sometimes.

I miss knowing where everything is. I miss griping that there is nothing to do. I miss my midnight drives throughout Spokane. I miss the lack of traffic.

I miss snow. I miss knowing people and things and being able to look in any direction and having a wonderful memory.

I miss Northwest Seed and Pet and being able to pet puppies and hold rabbits and awwwing at the pink chicken and turtle.

I miss having people speak to me in a language I know and not being judged for being a small white girl. I never want to hear another southern accent again.

But I'm stuck here and there's nothing I can do and I'm afraid that if I go to Florida with Patrick that it will all be over and I will never go back home. I want to be with him but I'm worn out of this place. I... I want someone my age.

I am so confused and fickle and I hate my very being for questioning myself, but this is how I feel and I can't shake this feeling.

I miss just... being me :(