There are things in this world that are true evil

I am doing my annual rotation of book readings for the year (which now include the Kushiel series), and as some of my past readers know, three of those books are His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman. The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass.

I recall making an entry in my journalspace blog about the making of the movie The Golden Compass. I saw the end of it last year and some of the beginning. The pieces I saw I hated.

Here are the reasons why:

- Nicole Kidman was a terrible choice for Mrs. Coulter (Kidman does not, in any way shape or form, match Mrs. Coulter's description from the books). I also think her acting is pretty limited. She was great in The Others, Stepford Wives, and maybe one or two other movies I can't recall, but overall, she's needs particular roles to really shine.

- The girl who played Lyra was cute, but it wasn't Lyra. Her hair too clean, her dresses too intact, and she was not at all like Lyra. Lyra is a fearless, uncivilized, half-barbarian of a child. She's supposed to look like her mother. With dark blue eyes and tawny hair. Not brown eyes and bleached blonde hair. Lyra is not the voice of reason - she's a LIVE FOR THE MOMENT kind of gal. Her actor did not do her justice.

- Daniel Craig, while a good actor, does not tailor to the awesome might that should be Lord Asriel. At all. Lord Asriel is a man who should be like a charming version of Satan. Craig just doesn't do that. In MY opinion, I think Ralph Fiennes should have played Lord Asriel. Or at least John Parry. I forgot to include him in my Hottest Men list, so here's making up for that.

- Everything was CGI. WHAT THE FUUUUCK. What happened to the good old days when people spent weeks constructing several mechanical devices to use on sets? Imagine a mechanical Iorek instead of the lame CGI figure of him and the girl over the snow. It was just... disappointing, to say the very least. Although I think they did a good job matching Iorek's voice up. yes. Good job there. WAY TO FAIL EVERYTHING ELSE.

- The storyline was completely butchered. I expect this to happen in movie adaptations, but seriously. It was awful. The message the books brought across was completely slaughtered, possibly because people were going all 'oh no this is satan's work don't go see the movie' or some shit like that, but really. The books are so much better. I can't stress this enough.

And the rest isn't even important enough to remember.

But I was just reading the book and I thought to myself: Oh holy shit, who is going to play Will Parry? So of course I rush online to see that the movie the Subtle Knife is not going to happen. Ever. Thanks to the bad economy.

After reading about this, this dawned on me: GEORGE BUSH DID SOMETHING RIGHT!!!!! He single-handedly stopped this awful series from continuing on on screen!!! OH MY GOD. I could KISS the man for that. Seriously.

They would have to scour the streets for a decent Will. Even then it'd probably end up being a fluke like Lyra. I would hate myself. Will is what I want my future son to be like. And look like. And act like. If I saw someone who didn't fit the exact description playing Will on screen, my world would shatter.

I just wished to share this with others. I am so happy the movies aren't going to happen. God, what a relief...