As any regular reader of mine knows, I hate Twilight with the burning passion of a thousand suns.
I cannot understand how the book was published, first. I cannot believe people kill trees to print that bullshit. And most of all, I can't believe mothers allow their daughters to eat that shit up. I can understand having crushes and stuff - I had the biggest crush on William Parry from His Dark Materials, and I fall in love with him all over again when I read those books. I mean, even when I was 8 I had the biggest crush on JTT (Jonathan Taylor Thomas - oh my goood he was so cuuute/hot/yummy).
But never to this extent. I will stick up for HDM tooth and nail, but that's because those are actually good books. There's action, romance, and oh my jesus, a plot! Character development! Things Smeyer has never heard of and will never know!
And never to the point of... well... thinking vampires were real? Um. Ok.
But most of these girls are tweens. Though I talked to some women in their late 20s who liked it (and who I believe are mentally deranged or either very stupid. Maybe both).
Except... they're not. I read an article where a lady actually compared Romeo and Juliet to Edward and Bella.
HahaAHAHAha HAHAHAHAHAHAhaha.
Haha. What?? No.
First of all, Romeo and Juliet was a good story, and is a real, forbidden romance story between two people.
There is nothing forbidding about Edward and Bella's love. In Twilight, no one stopped them. No one in Edward's family said, "Oh fuck no, you're a vampire and she's just some little whiny bitch."
Bella's dad didn't put his fucking foot down and be a fucking father and said, "FUCK YOU BELLA, HOW DID I GET STUCK WITH SUCH A WHINY BITCH? YOU'RE FUCKING GROUNDED AND YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE."
What the fuck ever. Romeo and Juliet wasn't so dull I wanted to crack my skull and wash my brain of it.
But I have been thinking.
Should I read the rest of the Twilight series, so I may be completely honest and well-informed of every opinion I have? I think I should. I will read it with Mark.
Truly, I am amazed at his tolerance to read a chapter a day. I think I swallowed it in 3 days just so I could get it the fuck over with.
Ewww Twilight.
3 comments:
Plus HDM doesn't have sparkles. Just weird, impossible animals who have wheels as part of their body and, of course, other dimensions. (Those are some of my favorite books of all time! Right up there with The Giver for me.) But the movie was awful as far as trying to be as good as the books goes.
Back to the main topic, however! Twilight sucks. Lots. And then lots more. Tania and I use it as a reference to something that is the worst it could possibly be. "Wow, that pug was almost as bad as Twilight!" (Ok, we don't actually do that, but we should.)
Okay, first of all thanks for giving me my first badly-needed laugh of the day with this:
There is nothing forbidding* about Edward and Bella's love. In Twilight, no one stopped them. No one in Edward's family said, “Oh fuck no, you're a vampire and she’s just some little whiny bitch.”
* I think you actually mean ‘forbidden’, but I won’t make an issue of it.
And thanks to Mark for this extract of his synopsis of Twilight, Chapter 13:
Bella: So… what do we do now?
Edward: Let's just sit here and keep staring at me. You're welcome to touch me as if I'm a wax statue, though.
Bella: Oh, I love the chance to be unnecessarily awkward.
Edward: I don't scare you?
Bella: Do you mind if I start stroking your forearm in an action that closely resembles me giving you a handjob?
Edward: No. You can't imagine how that feels.
Bella: It's like we're both virgins, isn't it? And we're finally on the path towards SEXUAL FULFILLMENT, right? Right?
Edward: Shut up and keep touching me.
Bella: Yes sir. Anything you say.
[At this point, Bella works her way up his TOTES BUFF arm until Edward suddenly and inexplicably flips out and dashes across to the other side of the clearing. Bella, shocked, becomes depressed.]
Bella: Oh Edward, this is so wrong. We must abstain—from touching, of course. This certainly isn't meant to be construed as a metaphor for saving sex until we're married, right? Right?
Edward: Oh Bella, I'm not used to human touch, because I, too, am a virgin… to love, that is. I don't mean sex! This isn't about sex at all.
Bella: Right, of course.
Edward: Do you want to keep touching me until I get an erection?
Bella: Oh, certainly.
Big-selling books like this will always get cult followings, and the followers will make odd and irrational statements about them. Don’t let it get you down. If you do read the remaining books please give us your impression of them though. You know, in case there are any surprising plot developments, like Edward turning out to be gay, or Bella being eaten by a giant python.
Oh yes, and I think you should try writing some vampire porn. There’s obviously a market for it, and you’re the person to do it.
Kelsey: Books to movies are never particularly good. I was kind of disappointed to hear that Mrs. Coulter "should have" been blonde (if Pullman went and re-wrote the books, he stated he would change her hair from 'dark' to 'blonde').
You are also thinking of mulefa, who were pretty awesome creatures. Although, HDM does in fact have sparkles - it's the dust, that Mary sees through the Amber Spyglass! Much better than stupid sunlight sparkles off horny vampires.
And yes, you should :D. That would be awesome.
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