When my monthly cycle starts making itself known, I take on some very out-of-character habits.
So besides my pelvic area throbbing and my tits being overly sensitive to the point where I will wake up in pain and probably shed a tear or two should I roll over onto my stomach while sleeping and shift my breasts in such a way that they become smashed against me, my natural cravings for good hygiene plummets. I don't want to do anything.
That's right. I don't want to shower. I don't want to brush my teeth. I don't want to eat healthy. I want to stuff my face with pizza and ice cream and just sit in front of the tv or computer and wallow in my pain and self pity for becoming fat. So not only do I get very bloated, but I am eating so many calories, that everything starts to suck. Oh, and acne. Let's not forget the crazy hormones making me break out (along with all those fucking carbs I'm sucking down).
I break out everywhere. There is no escape from it. As soon as that first zit appears on my face or shoulder or lower back or wherever they feel like fucking appearing, I throw my hands up to Mother Nature and say, "I GIVE UP!!!" and just sit there and do nothing.
Or at least, I would like to sit there and do nothing. I do shower. But I put my hair up and put off washing it for as long as I can. It takes me a while to lather the soap up and wash myself properly. And I still brush my teeth, but I'm less anal and I don't ever feel assed to floss.
The only thing that makes me feel better is wearing cute underwear. But then when I do wear cute underwear, I make a mess in them, so it's like FSCK. So have to wear the old, ratty monthly panties... and feel fat and ugly.
Yeah. I fucking hate being female.
Anticipation
15 years ago
4 comments:
I crave gross (as in really unhealthy for me) food too. Like crazy! But we're different in that I want to shower every 10 minutes or so because I feel so icky.
I'm with you 100% on this one.
How, exactly, did men get out of this particular life experience? Not even fair. I feel like we should file a complaint somewhere.
At least you don't get back hair or male pattern baldness. Well, at least I hope not.
Kel: The ickiness starts at about day 4 for me. But once it's all over it's back to 2 showers a day!
Amanda: I agree. There should be some Filing Under Complaints for Momentary Annoying Nuisance.
See what I did there?
Mitul: I will have you know that women can in fact become bald. My grandmother on my father's side had it. While my sister and cousins all got away clean, I think that leaves a good chance for my daughter or my son's daughter to get it. Not sure though. But it's in my genes!
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